July 1st 2013

Folks,

Today, I have been gone from San Diego and in the Bay Area for 15 years. It is a bitter sweet thing for me. I moved here to learn about myself, and I have. But I have moved away from a life and lifestyle that I really loved. I have basically been here long enough to go from birth to tenth grade. I have made some good friends, made some good martial artists, and have dealt with some very unsavory characters. I have faced my fears, gained new ones, and faced those as well. I have hurt others, been hurt, and regretted the pain I have inflicted on others. I have found myself  doing that biggest indicator of growing wisdom and age: Wished that I knew "then" what I know now.

I wasnt even going to post this blog, because I really didnt know what I wanted to communicate. I have learned about a business, gained one, lost one, and gained more knowledge. I bare the scars of my soul, but not my soul itself. I have read and re-read the poem "IF" by Rudyard Kipling hundreds of times. I still struggle to apply its wisdom. I have looked into what I have learned and what I have lost, and have found both heartbreak and new comfort in my losses.

Where do I go from here? A re-dedication of sorts. My body is bruised and battered, and I no longer have the thirst for violence, nor the rage that fueled so many of my earlier successes. I find that at this point, it is wiser to use my brain and not my back to fuel my ambitions. I have certain gifts from God that I have not used to their fullest, and that is shame. So from this point, I will strive to do what my father told to do, which is out-think and out maneuver my opponents. Life is chess, not checkers, and I need to focus more on the check-mate. Sorry for the non martial arts related post, but in the way it is one. I dont want to get all philosophical because I am not that pretentious, but thanks for the listen. It is cathartic for me. Until the next 15 years elapse. Osu!